Little Guy turned 3 months old this weekend. We celebrated with a yummy little carrot cake from Termini's. He got a cute little paper hat and a new book to chew on. We got the cake.
As we blew out the candles, it dawned on me that I am now two things I always thought I might be "someday": 30 and the mother of an infant (a status change from his previous state of "newborn"). What I didn't ever factor in was how quickly "someday" would get here. Oh, and I started my period for the first time in well over a year. Lucky me... I had forgotten how much of a drag that is! The combination was enough to put me into a state of introspection.
All in all, it was a rather minor snit -- nothing in comparison to my emotional breakdown in front of Safeway when I turned 24 -- but it got me to thinking. I came to the pathetic conclusion that I'm not cool. There is an astounding body of evidence to back this up, the bulk of which makes me thankful that few of my current friends and acquaintances know my maiden name. I hate to think what might come up if they were to Google me. Actually, the sad truth is that when I Googled me, there were only a handful of references. Even more sad is that all of those references were to the wife of cousin who shares my first name and took his last name in 2003. I had the name for 21 years before her and not one reference.
But what really sealed my state of lameness for me was the fact that I actually spent the better part of the weekend actually trying to research blog etiquette. Yes, I wanted to learn more about the rules of bloggery. This censorless medium that I was drawn to for the boundless opportunities that it offered for self-expression; this grand forum of which I proudly proclaimed "I shall speak my mind! I shall tell it like I see it! I shall put my opinion out there for all the world to see, consequences be damned!"; for this I was compelled to find the "rules" so that I could play within them. Because when it comes right down to it, I am a rule follower. I read the directions before microwaving a Lean Cuisine. Just in case they have changed said directions since the last time I made one. I wait for the little walking man before I cross the street AT THE CORNER. I've used the excuse of needing to be more cautious, to be more of a role model now that I'm a mother, but the truth of the matter is that I am secretly thankful to have a stroller to push so that "others" don't question it when I wait for the light to change. I use spellcheck before I send e-mail. In fact, I will use spellcheck before I post this. I'll probably read it through a few times just to make sure it flows. Which may go a long ways towards explaining why one of my few failures in high school was during the term that we experimented with stream of consciousness writing. In short, I am not cool.
As hard as I've fought all my life to be one of the cool people, you might think this would bother me. But right now it doesn't. Maybe it's the lack of a 6 consecutive hours of sleep since November. Maybe it's the 16+ ounces of caffeine that I used to battle the effects of those sleepless nights. It could be my "eat-it-when-you-can-get-it" diet. But I'm pretty sure it's just the fact that I currently have the most appreciative audience in the world hanging on to my every action. Those big blue eyes look at me in utter amazement, making even something as mundane as blowing my nose seem like a phenomenal feat! And I feel like a superhero. Dare I say it? I feel cool! Oh, I'm not kidding myself. I know these days will be short lived. The day will come when the amazement turns to disdain and I'll hear my little angel mutter under his breath something I'll never be able to repeat back with any intelligibility. The words will have changed and I will have fallen so out of the loop it won't be called a loop anymore. But I'll understand what he has just said and translate it into the archaic expression I've used myself. "Not cool, Mom. So not cool."
In an effort to reduce my idiot status, I decided to try to find out what a "meme" is. Here's what I got from Wikipedia:
The term "meme" ([miːm] in the IPA; rhymes with "theme"), coined by Richard Dawkins, first came into popular use with the publication of his book The Selfish Gene in 1976... Dawkins used the term to refer to any cultural entity, for example a song, an idea or a religion which an observer might consider a replicator. He hypothesised that people could view many cultural entities as replicators, generally replicating through exposure to humans, which have evolved as efficient (though not perfect) copiers of information and behaviour. Memes do not always get copied perfectly, and might indeed become refined, combined or otherwise modified with other ideas, resulting in new memes....
Don't we all feel better, now?
Ooh, I feel so included!!! Okay, so I have no idea what a meme is (a noun? A name? A misspelling?)... I'm just making a futile attempt to fit in. Thanks, AmyJo for getting me started... Here goes!
Four (other) jobs I've had:
1. The prerequisite McDonald's high school job
2. Whatever they call the person who helps you at what used to be Mailboxes Etc.
3. Sales ass. (yeah, it's abbreviated, but I think it may be more accurate this way) at Mervyns
4. Computer lab aide @ Pima Community College (aka the girl who changed the paper in the printers)
Four little-known facts about me:
1. I seriously considered becoming a dental hygenist
2. I know how to milk a cow
3. I used to go by "Susie" and dot the "i" with a heart (oh, puke!)
4. I still have a hard time telling my Left from my Right (and I'm teaching America's future!)
Four city airports I have been to:
1. San Francisco
2. Belize City
Four favorite male actors: (God, this could be embarrassing!)
1. The pre-hopping-on-Oprah's-couch Tom Cruise
2. Morgan Freeman
3. Adam Sandler (just ask Netflix !)
4. Ben Stiller
Four foods that I hate to love:
1. Fried _____
3. Navajo Tacos
4. Doughnuts (do those count under "Fried"?)
Four web sites (not blogs) I visit daily:
Four things I want to do before I die:
1. Teach for more than one year at the same school
2. Learn to swim well enough to get SCUBA certified
3. Run a marathon
4. Figure out how to put those cool links to stuff in the text of my blog like AmyJo and Lora. (Woo-hoo! I get to check that one off my list!)
Four people I'm tagging: (Oh crap, now everyone knows how lame I am.)
1. (There's gotta be someone I can think of...)
3. (Well, I could tag... No, she's already been hit...)
4. (Can I just go hide my head in shame now?)
It's all his fault!
So the other man in my life is decidedly paranoid that he's going to become the most frequently discussed person in this forum. Ha! Here are some reasons why his flaws will be rarely listed:
1. His mother could find this and we're not on the best of terms, anyways.
2. MY mother could find this and then she'd have reason to gloat and tell me that she told me so when I married him.
3. He's not the one getting me up at 3 in the morning. Then again, he has figured out how to sleep through me getting up at 3 in the morning, so I'm not sure that I like him at that hour, either.
4. Regardless of whatever stupid, thoughtless thing he might do, he is still pulling his butt out of bed each morning to go to work. I have to give him considerable respect for that.
5. He brought me a bouquet of yellow tulips for Valentines Day!
6. He's the only one who has mastered the art of "listening" to me drone on and on and on without giving away the fact that he's just timing his responses.
7. He generates enough body heat to keep my feet warm at night.
8. I wouldn't have made it to the top of Kili if he hadn't pissed me off.
9. He takes Arrested Development as seriously as I do.
10. He's so damn cute when he falls asleep with the baby!
Not that I won't be writing and venting about him on here... Thank God for the edit/delete buttons!
Because there are a lot of things that they don't tell you when they get you all excited about this motherhood gig. Because tomorrow very well could be another long day of explosive poo and unexplained crying. Because it's so hard to admit that there are days that go by where the word "shower" doesn't even enter your head. Because you DO get tired of watching the sunrise. Because the heavenly choir doesn't really show up to bathe you in glorious streams and sing "Alelujah!" as you breastfeed. Because dozing off while your little darling is latched onto your boob may very well result in waking up with a painful hickey on the soft underbelly of said boob.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade my new status for anything. There's just some things that need to be said that I couldn't possibly go to my mother with. Because, when it comes right down to it, I will lie like a dog to convince her that motherhood comes naturally to me. Still interested? Well, then read on. But consider yourself warned... just because this is out there for all the world to see doesn't mean I have to make sense. And I probably won't. At least not in writing... you really need to hear it in my new supersonic pitched mommy voice. And to see the cute way I scrunch up my hasn't-seen-makeup-in-days face when I say it. Oh, and then there's the wriggling of the fingers... always the wriggling of the fingers. Hey, it keeps the baby happy!
breed 'em and weep
cry it out: memoirs of a stay-at-home dad
dad gone mad
home on the fringe
laid off dad
lenka's front porch
life as we now know it
motherhood is not for wimps
notes to self
oh, the urbanity!
passive aggressive notes
the queen of non sequitur
Me LG 6:30 Pilates, shower & dress 7:00 Make bed, laundry 7:30 Up & dress 8:00 Breakfast, feed cats, dishes Breakfast 8:30 Play 9:00 Computer, check calendar Rest 10:00 Snack Snack 10:30 Gym / Library / Park 12:00 Lunch Lunch 12:30 Chores Nap 3:30 Snack Snack 4:00 Play 5:00 Start dinner Play 5:30 Dinner 7:00 Bath 7:30 Bed 7:45 Dinner 9:00 Prep for tomorrow Straighten living room Scoop litter box Clear off dining room table Review daily chores Load & run dishwasher Check appointments Prep coffee & set timer Start "To Do" list Shine sink Wipe down kitchen Appointments: Cards: Weekly Goals: Water (64 oz/day) S M T W T F S Run M W T S Arms M W F Abs M W F Bed @ 10:30 S M T W T F S