dear ms. suv driver,

As much as I would like to rip you a new one, I'm actually writing this letter to offer you an apology. And, believe it or not, a "thank-you". Yes, you certainly deserve both!

You see, I realize that when your daddy's shiny, new, over-priced, gas-guzzling, road-hogging tank nearly plowed into my borrowed tuna can at 1.5 times the speed of light today, I was in the wrong. I should not have been looking at street signs trying to figure out where the f*** I was as the signal light changed from green to yellow to red. I should have realized that the sight of my menacing 3 mph approach would cause you to panic. I can totally see how the very idea of me rolling into the crosswalk was enough to send you into mind-numbing hysteria. Had I been more alert, I would have totally realized what was about to happen. But I was distracted and so it never crossed my mind that you would use a blinding rainstorm and a busy intersection to verify whether or not your 20 passenger (sans passengers) Hummer could truly go from zero to 60 in a blink of the eye. Mea culpa. I truly do appreciate you alerting me with your 200 decible horn. And for making sure that I heard it by holding it down until you were well past the intersection. All bitterness aside (I admit, I was startled, even a little bit embarrassed), I know I was wrong. You had the right of way. Your light was green. Mine was solid red. And I did encroach on the intersection enough that I had to hit the brakes to keep from entering it. Left at that, I looked like the jackass.


Rolling into the intersection after making enough noise to make sure that all eyes were on you, slowing down to .00002 mph in the middle of the intersection, rolling down your (passenger side) window to the deluge and leaning across to yell and gesture at me (Which? Not very effective since my windows remained firmly sealed against the wind and rain.) very much left you looking like the jackass. So thanks for taking the heat. I'm sure the guy in the car behind you was amused, too. At least, I think that's why he gave you the one-finger salute as he cut off the car in the next lane who swerved and honked at him, nearly taking out the taxi. Way to stay cool in a moment of crisis!


1 comment:

Jacqueline said...

I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!!!!! Why do we have to be in such a hurry to do everything and so quick to take offense to things that are accidental? What a jerk. geez. I'm glad you're ok. I hope that she is suffering from a really guilty conscience right now.