it's the most (wonderful?) time of the year

The world has gone insane. Mad. I can't even come up with words to describe the asininity. My eyeballs are exploding, every braincell in my head is screaming.

I received an email today instructing me of my "Christian duty" to respond to any one who wishes me "Happy Holidays" with "Blessed Merry Christmas". What? WHAT? W.H.A.T? For the love of Pete, are you kidding me? There is an actual debate on the merits of "Happy Holidays" vs. "Merry Christmas". Debate, people. Because apparently there is nothing more important to take up our time and energy as the peace-filled, abundant, happiness-and-sunshine-with-all-the-birdies- singing-and-cute-little-bunnies-dancing-gaily-around-in-fields-of-sunflowers year of 2006 draws to a close. Boycotts have been called for based on the verbiage with which we greet each other as we shop, conceivably, for gifts for family and friends. "The War on Christmas", it's being called. Because apparently when you wish someone "Happy Holidays" you might as well launch a grenade through their living room window and eat the carcasses of their children.

"Put Christ back into Christmas!" the email screamed at me. Okay, fine. Let's do exactly that. So tell me, WWJD? (To anyone who hasn't walked into a coffee shop since, oh, 1982, that stands for "What Would Jesus Do") Imagine the Son of God, on the eve of the day when His birth is celebrated being greeted by some poor, frazzled soul who has just spent the last 8 hours scanning 17,000,000,000,000,000,005 rolls of holographic wrapping paper.

"Happy Holidays," PFS greets the Lord and Saviour.

"HAPPY HOLIDAYS?" responds the Only Begotten. "How dare you greet me in such an innocuous manner? Don't you know who I am? Tremble, fool, tremble! I've seen you hit the delete button on all those pass-this-on-or-God-won't-know-you're-still-on-His-side emails! You dare to wish me Happy Holidays? The wrath of the Lord upon your head, sinner. The wrath! AND A BLESSED MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU."
Or perhaps the Son of man would simply smile and respond, gently and sincerely,"And to you", moving on to something, oh, worthwhile.

I just can't wrap my mind around this absurdity. How does my wishing someone else the happiness and joy that I feel at this time of year undermine my own beliefs? Are there actually people out there who are unaware that there are other religions celebrating their own Holy Days at the very same time as Christian Holidays are being celebrated? Note the similarities in the bolded-italicized words? Ahem. THEY MEAN THE SAME THING.

Kwanzaa, Chanuka, Christmas, National Pie and Eat a Red Apple Day ... my wish is for you and yours to have a happy one. To find joy in being together. To reflect on the good of the past year. To resolve for better in the year to come. Peace on Earth, goodwill to men. Laughter and love. You know,
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.



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5 comments:

Amy Jo said...

Don't forget Festivus!

anne nahm said...

As a Christmas celebrater, I say, "amen, honey!"

susan said...

Oh, damn. Festivus. Let the boycotting begin.

Hi, Anne! You must of caught me lurking. I'll have to uncloak now... :)

Mom101 said...

This is just a fantastic post, and thank you for saying all that you have. I especially love your "don't you know who I am" point.

That's what kills me about the whole thing - maybe Walmart shoppers who refuse to say Happy Holidays just don't live in a world where people celebrate different holidays than they do. It's easy to say f 'em when there's no 'em around I suppose.

Happy ______ to you, lady. Feel free to fill it in yourself.

Arwen said...

A month late but a great post. Should I be insulted? I don't think so.