why the general consensus is that my time in social settings should be limited

Somethings just don't need to be shared:

me: Little Guy found your old glasses today.
BG: hmm.
me: I'm just not sure where they came from.
BG: yeah, I don't know.
me (in my head): well, when mommy glasses love daddy glasses very much...
me: snort
BG: did you say something?
me (ignoring the adage that it is better to say nothing a look a fool, yadda, yadda, yadda): well, when mommy glasses (continuing on, despite look of extreme disbelief that yes, I went there on BG's face) love daddy glasses very much... (trailing off) well, it just seemed like... (frantically trying to come up with reasonable explanation) (jamming toothbrush into mouth) garble garble garble...
BG: okay then.
Small talk isn't my forte. Neither is geography:
me (talking to strangers who are considering buying some furniture from us): So are you guys from around here?
he: Well, I'm from blahdy-blah in western PA.
she: I grew up in Bolivia.
me: Oh, so you're both locals.
Trouble knowing when to quit:
me (in conversation with BG's best friend who is transferring out here with his family): Well, now that you guys are going to be here, BG might be able to convince me to move to the 'burbs.
He: That'd be great! It'd be awesome to live close enough that we could all get together whenever we wanted.
BG: What we should do is buy a big plot and both of us build -- we'd be close enough to hang out whenever, but still have our space. Then whoever leaves first has to give the other first option to buy them out.
me: No, what we should do is build one huge house right in the middle and we could each have half...
He: Like share the common areas?
me (thinking about his wife and their kids who I absolutely adore. Totally forgetting that they're Mormon): Yeah. It'd be great to have someone to share the cooking and cleaning chores with... (remembering that they're Mormon and that this suggestion might border on the edge of "Don't Go There") I mean, someone other than Big Guy... (frantically back peddling) you know, just to have someone around to bounce ideas off of.
BG (squirming uncomfortably in the front seat): Hey, this area looks pretty kid friendly!
He: Yeah, and the elementary school is nearby. I've been told it's a good district.
me: We could even install one of those steel doors like they have in panic rooms down the center of the house. Like a compound.
BG & He: *blink blink*
Don't take it personally if I hang out with myself in a corner at the next gathering that you invite us to. Chances are I'm enjoying the company. And not scaring yours. It's probably for the best.


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2 comments:

Amy Jo said...

Yay Burbs! Which burb is it that you might be perduaded to consider???

susan said...

Hee! Because you'd still consider living near us, or so you can get as far away as possible?