top 10 reasons I haven't posted since october fifth: number 9

Leaving Sucks

Our flight was scheduled to leave PHL at 7:05 am. The trip actually began much earlier that that. Like around 7:30 pm on Saturday night:

  • 7:30pm Put LG to bed. Did something related to last minute packing. Realized BG and I still needed to eat.
  • 7:33 pm Ordered Chinese food.
  • 7:35 pm Sent BG to pick up Chinese food. Remembered what it was that sent me down to the kitchen while I was packing, which reminded me that BG and I needed to eat Bandaids. Because what responsible mother travels without Bandaids? In my defense, I was getting ready to fly across the country and not return for who knows how long and if I didn't remember the Bandaids? Well, then it's either face the dreaded check-out lane for one stupid item or remember to remind BG to bring the damn Bandaids when he comes out. So much better to just bring them myself.
  • 7:47 pm Remember that we had a showing for the house scheduled at 11 am the next morning. And that we'd be leaving at 5:30 am for the airport, so there really wasn't any extra time in the morning for anything left undone.
  • 7:48 pm Hunted down the elusive Swiffer. No Swiffer cloths to be found (remember the little project I like to call the greening? Yeah, those handy little disposable cloths were amongst the first to be used up and summarily not purchased again. ) Used a couple of rubber bands to attach an old washcloth to the bottom of the Swiffer and headed up the stairs.
  • 7:52 pm BG returned with dinner.
  • 8:25 pm Remembered that there were 50 gazillion things that still needed to be done, one of which was not watching an old Tivo'd episode of SNL.
  • 8:26 pm Admitted (to myself. NOT outloud) that there was no way I was going to get everything done.
  • 8:26:15 pm Wept.
  • 8:27 pm Wiped up tears with washcloth attached to the Swiffer and called the housecleaning done. Whoever was coming by in the morning was just going to have to look past the housekeeping. Admitted outloud that there was no way I was going to get everything done.
  • 8:28 pm Went back to last minute packing.
  • 8:55 pm Called for a taxi for 5:30 am.
  • 9:00 pm Finished up packing and began lugging bags to the entryway.
  • 10:45 pm Called it a night and headed to bed.
  • 10:50 pm Tossed.
  • 11:05 pm Turned.
  • 11:20 pm Tossed.
  • 11:35 pm Turned. Repeat in 15-20 minute intervals until alarm finally goes off at 4:55 am. Sweetest sound I've ever heard, that alarm!
The taxi was there, right on time and had enough room for us and all our stuff (two large suitcases, * two beast bags, the stroller,** the carseat,***, the diaperbag,**** two laptop bags with laptops and related paraphernalia, and a lunch box filled with snacks for the boy.***** Oh yeah, and the Bandaids. I just barely remembered to shove them into a bag before we checked them in at the counter.) There was hardly a wait for check-in and the representative at the desk was friendly and efficient. We were really off to a great start. Bags checked, we loaded the computer bags, the diaper bad and the lunchbox onto the stroller containing the carseat containing the boy and headed to our gate. At security, we did the "take-out, take-off, fold-down, unbuckle, unpack, and declare" shuffle like pros. No, really! You would have just had time to roll your eyes twice if you had been unfortunate enough to get stuck behind us! We've done this enough times to know that the stroller goes first, then after I walk through with LG, I can set it up and start packing all our crap back on it. We have our shoes on and our bags packed faster than some travelers can get their belt buckles off. Except this time something blipped on the little x-ray screen, so BG had to go over with the agent and watch her go through the offending bag. Could have been the GPS. Could have been the calculator. Could have been the Ipod. Whatever.

The morning was still golden. We made it to our gates with no rush and plenty of time to spare. LG was pretty mellow, although appropriately excited to see the airplane out the windows. We almost pre boarded the plane thanks to right behind a couple of pushy bimbos enthusiastic women and made it down the jetway without incident. At the gate we unloaded the gate-tagged stroller and I carried LG on in his carseat. BG came behind with the bags. We found our row and buckled in. I looked at my watch after we got settled. 7:00. 5 minutes to take-off.

At 7:20 the pilot announced (say it with me, please? You knew this was coming)
"Ladies and Gentleman, blah blah blah blahblahblah, blah biddy blahdy blah, fuse burnt out, blah blah blah blah blah blah biddy, short delay. Sorry for the inconvenience blah biddy biddy blah blah, blah blah shouldn't take more than 20 minutes.

At 8:15 the pilot announced
"Ladies and Gentleman, blah blah blah blahdy blah, blahdy blahdy blah, [someone in Pittsburg] doesn't like the fix, blah blahdy blahdy blahdy, maintenance, blah blah blah blahdidy blah, off the plane. Shouldn't be much longer, blahdy blah blah sorry for blah blah blah.

At 8:35 people began getting antsy and making moves towards the door.

At 8:37 the flight attendants began making those announcements intended to calm the masses. You know the ones in which somehow the announcers forget to disguise the irritation in their voices so they wind up sounding condescending which only serves to further enrage said masses?
"Ladies and Gentlemen. You are more than welcome to get up and leave the plane (if you are sooooo pressed for time that you just can't manage to wait for another 15 minutes. Your time is so much more important than ours.) if you feel that you need to. We have already alerted staff in Phoenix (we warned 'em you were coming, you oh-so-full-of-yourself passengers with your time commitments and other planes to catch and plans that will be "ru-ined" if you don't make your connection.") and they are already working to book you on the next available flights to your final destinations (Believe me, they don't want you in their airport and in their hair any longer than absolutely necessary. Please be advised that if you do choose to leave the aircraft, you must be back on board in no longer than 10 minutes before we are again cleared for departure (You think we're going to give you that time? Hah! Sweat it out. We hope you're running down the jetway as door locks and that you have to stand there, weeping, as we pull away, waving at your sorry asses.)so that we can do our final seat count and get underway. We thank you for your cooperation."
The final seat count was made sometime after way-too-effing-late and just before what-the-eff-is-happening-up-there o'clock. I checked my watch at 9:15 as we leveled off in the clouds above Philadelphia. Stay tuned to see what happens when we finally make it to Phoenix!

*Sort of this. Only with two pockets in the front. Silver, not gold.
**The 2005 model. In black and red.
*** Gold, not silver.
**** This is the one I wanted. Mine is similar in size, but doesn't have the fancy schmancy flip-over top. I've been known to click "purchase" before thoroughly reviewing the items in my shopping cart. Lesson well learned.
*****Yeah, the links were starting to bore me, too.


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