surprise!

It's a post! By me! About me!

Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are.

Of course there are reasons for the lack of posting. Lots and lots of reasons. Some are legitimate, some are strictly figments of my imagination. I'll let you be the judge of which is which when we get to that. But first, Hawaii, part 1.

Why we went:
Because, quite frankly, this gorgeous woman is the one person in the whole wide world that I would ever happily wear lime-green taffeta for. The fact that she asked me to wear this (in black) here just made it all the more sweet to watch my best friend exchange vows with an absolute sweetheart of a man. Also, let it be known that this picture was snapped mere milliseconds before LG returned to verifying that the light switches in the room were all in working order. Yes, son, at the tender age of 2 1/2 you had this beautiful woman on her knees, focused on you, and all you wanted to do was go make sure everything was up to code.

What we did:

Since we hadn't (successfully) taken any extended (read: longer than the weekend) vacations in nearly two years, we decided to make this one really count. The wedding was on a Friday, so we flew into Maui the Monday before. Our original flight (guess who bought tickets on Aloha Airlines?) would get us in noon-ish, giving us the afternoon to pick up supplies and semi-adjust to the time change before heading east to Hana. Our replacement Hawaiian Airline tickets (obtained March 31st. About 15 minutes after we were informed that Aloha Airlines was ceasing all travel starting April 1st. Tickets that we had purchased 2 1/2 months earlier because we didn't want to wait until the last minute. A week and a day before said flight probably qualifies as last minute.) changed our plans by a couple hundred dollars and an hour or so.

Our early am flight proved to be uneventful -- a little turbulence coming across the Pacific and, okay, 5 1/2 hours in an airplane has the potential for making one a little bit snippy if, say, the delightful cherub in the seat behind one has just spent the past 4.75 hours alternating between pulling on and kicking the back of one's seat. Then again, the delightful cherub in the seat next to me had just spent the past 4.75 hours abusing the passenger in front of him in a similar manner, so my shame kept my displeasure in check. An apology tree sprang up as we taxied to our gate, it's branches traveling row by row, mother to mother, while fathers and oblivious teenagers gathered their belongings from the overhead compartments. A rousing chorus of "Kumbayah" would have been fitting, but I don't think there is a Hawaiian version of that particular song. And at any rate, our attention had already turned to the toddlers we hoped to contain with crackers and hastily peeled oranges before making our various inter-island connections to the Paradise of our choice.

A couple of items I would like to draw your attention to in the above paragraph. 1) "a little turbulence", 2) "5 1/2 hours in an airplane", and 3) "crackers and hastily peeled oranges". Add in LG's previously discussed propensity for motion sickness, change the crackers and oranges to luke-warm strawberry-banana yogurt, and and stir in the vehemently defended belief that "anything Mommy tries to do to make my life better in the long run (read: tie my shoes, change my diaper, or, say, GIVE ME MEDICINE) is the equivalent of having hot molten lava poured down my throat so in reality I probably only took half the dosage of Dramamine, a full dosage of which only has a 6-8 hour effective time as it is". Shake briskly and get back on another airplane that is either drawn to air pockets or is being carried from one island to the other by a giant with epilepsy experiencing severe vertigo and what do you get? A warm, strawberry-banana yogurt, barf lei wrapped around your neck and dripping down your shoulder. And that's when you discover that many pieces of luggage really do look alike and the 15 pairs of red sequined man thongs at the top of the suitcase you just opened are not going to help you change your now crying baby into clean clothes or get the puke out of your hair. Welcome to Maui!

Come back for part 2 which will begin with an explanation of "Why The Maui Beach Hotel Was Quite Possibly The Worst Hotel I Have Ever Stayed In And That Includes The Time My Family Stayed At That Little Motel Along The Highway And We Had To Sleep In Shifts So That Someone Was Up At Any Given Time To Chase The Stray Cats Out Of The Bathtub". Seriously, it was that bad.


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5 comments:

SirvonRohr said...

Ok, please tell me that you saved a pair of those...you know the thong? And btw wife blew out her acl on our cruise...she has surgery on the 28 and then rehab.

R

susan said...

R, no, we didn't hang onto the man-thongs. Had I known your size... :) Dare I ask what the heck you guys were doing when the wife blew out her ACL? Ouch! Lots of good painkiller wishes to her from us... keep us updated on the surgery. Don't forget we've got a room available if one or both of you need to be closer to wine country for the duration of the recovery!

SirvonRohr said...

It was on the next to last day of our cruise in the Caribean. We were playing paddle ball on the beach in Antigua and her knee moved while her feet didn't. I of course being the loving person that I am gave her crap, teased her, then after the MRI 2 weeks later realized that she has a high pain tolerance and that I am an ass to the person I love the most.

susan said...

R, I'm wincing, just thinking about it. Of course, if you have to go and blow out your ACL, playing paddle ball on the beach in Antigua seems like the best possible setting. Still, ouch. (Well, more like "ouch times infinity"... ouch seems a tad inadequate!) I can only imagine how you must have wanted to beat your head into a wall when you got the MRI results back. Can I assume that you're still groveling?

SirvonRohr said...

Well, I just keep telling her that I love her and bat my eyelashes, so far that has worked. Lucky for me she now just tells me that she is tougher than I am. We had to buy a daybed for our downstairs room for the week she will be in the knee 100% locked position. And I have promised to carry her WHEN EVER she wants, WHERE EVER she wants.