nothing to see here

Unless you want to look at my new banner of which I am insanely proud. I spent the better part of Friday evening tweaking and splicing and stretching and patching and spliffing and sploofing (okay, I made up those last two) the banner from a free template that I found over at BlogspotTemplate.com and Ta-DAAAA! I am so head over heels in love with the way it turned out that I hurt my tongue licking the screen after I was finished. Josh was off climbing some mountain, though, so both my pride and tastebuds had ample private recovery time, thankyouverymuch. I think it very well may have been the spark I needed to get reinvigorated about spilling my guts here. Good for me, not so good for you, methinks. But, still. New, shiny banner!

Beyond that, there really is nothing new to see here. I've been in one of those grand gray-purple miserable funks where I've all but convinced myself that my sole purpose in life is to provide everyone around me with comic relief except I don't realize that I'm the butt of the jokes so I don't even get the pleasure of knowing that I've made the world around me a better place and yes, my worms do taste better sauteed in my own tears and self-pity. Add a high-carb crust to that and oo-ooey! I'm a blast to be around. Every time I near the end of one of these I swear that I'm going to start keeping track of how often they come because hey! maybe they are cyclical and related to something I could actually take steps to control. But then I get all caught up in the sunshine and lollipops and rainbows and butterflies until blammo I walk straight back into a cloud of suck and don't realize that I'm back there again until I start to see the glimmer of hope and light on the other side. Spell it with me now: m-a-n-i-c-d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-v-e- - t-e-n-d-e-n-c-i-e-s. Yes, yes, I'm sure there's some of that, too. I think it coordinates quite nicely with my favorite "I Heart OCD" apron with the slightly asymmetrical pockets. Yes, I measured them.

The problem is that I'm currently on a break from the good Dr. and we didn't get far enough in therapy for him to conclude that I do or do not need help beyond spilling my guts and wallet for an hour every other week. The break is a story for another time -- suffice it to say things were getting a leeeeetle bit overwhelming and I all but ran screaming "LEAVEMEALONE!!!" from his office on our next to last session. We both agreed that maybe I needed some processing time, what with my head exploding and all because hey, fun fact! there's no "right" way to "do" therapy and how am I ever going to get a 100% A+++ for staying on the rails no matter what if there ARE NO RAILS TO STAY ON, at least, not the same rails for everyone and there's actually no way to fail therapy, so my whole basis for self-esteem, (aka: doing exactly what I'm supposed to and smugly noticing how much better than you I'm doing even though to your face I'll tell you you're doing a great job, too, but come on, really, can't you see that I'm doing it much better than you are?) is shot completely to hell.

So that's a fun tale for us to all look forward to, but in the meantime, there are no happy little mood stabilizing pills in my immediate prescription future.

Anyways, as I was saying, there's a break in the clouds and since my space is now shiny and pretty and I lurve, heart, luv, L-O-V-E looking at it, I think there's a good chance that I might actually get back to posting in the not too distant future. But no more tonight and probably not tomorrow because Josh just got back from that mountain and I've blocked out the next 24 hours to openly stare at his manliness and breathe in the testosterone. And clean the phunk off of the clothes he wore. I know nothing quite as certainly as I know this: Damn, boys stink.


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1 comment:

Lora said...

that darn Tootle. You know I thank him on the daily for giving my my first therapeutic breakthru?

and I love the banner