top ten things I wish I had said

to the biddy at the public pool who decided to take offense at my four-year-old in the women's locker room this afternoon:

10. My child's comfort and safety trump your body image issues and repressed sexuality.

9. He's way more interested in how the automatic shower head works than anything you could ever expose him to.

8. If he's even looking, it's just because he's used to everything he's seeing being a lot younger and tighter. Just sayin'.

7. You're welcome to shower in your bathing suit. Lots of the moms/grandmoms who come in here choose to do that.

6. Really? That's the biggest thing you have to worry about today? Perhaps you need to invest your time and effort into a hobby.

5. I'm sorry you can't shower in the privacy of your own home.

4. You think you're uncomfortable? How do you think I feel having to stand here while your mouth and everything south is flapping?

3. No problem. I'm sure the guys won't mind if I go into their locker room with my 4-year old.

2. You're wasting water and my time.

1. Fuck off, please and thank you. See, son, it's always important to be polite.


Josh says it might be a tad childish to coach Aaron to run through the locker room pointing to and naming all the nekkid body parts tomorrow afternoon...